Stubborn

Those aren't apples in the picture, they are tomato's. The plant we have at my house seems to be resisting. It is refusing to ripen. This got me thinking about my own stubbornness. Is it just my nature or my will? I have been noticing lately the similarity among a lot of my worst traits and traits of some members of my family. As most of you know I have struggled with the age old issue of being just like my mother and or any other member of the pack of wolfs that raised me. It seems the older I get the more I see the "whole picture" . At some point we all realize our parents are not perfect, we see their flaws for the first time and it can cause us to retreat into our shell. But at some point we come to grips with our parents being human and not Divine and we move on. I am waiting for the moving on stage.
I am starting to get there. The delay is mostly bc I am starting to see those faults in myself and I do not know how to break them. These are "copping mechanisms" I've had for 25 yrs. All the sudden I have to give them up! You'd have better luck pulling dinner away from a lion. The only thing is I know God wants me to give these things up. In the end it brings me closer to Him. I was struggling with this for almost a year and then I started reading the retreat book I've blogged about before, Consoling the Heart of Jesus. Recently I came across a section about this! It seems I am not a maniac! This happens to everyone! Hooray! In the section the at hour says Jesus will help you realize these ways of copping and cling closer to Him. The best part is you do not even know He is doing it! He just "romances" you and you make the choice to drop the doughnuts and or whatever copping mechanism you have! So today that is where I am. Much like my tomato plant I am not ready yet but I am still growing and at some point I will be ripe.