The hated

This past Sunday morning was filled with sun, warmth for a change and good feelings. We were coming off of my boyfriends birthday , a wonderful night out with his family . We drove to St. Paul's church in Burlington, not our home parish but a good one at that. The readings referred to service, to evangelizing no matter what. The homily was beautiful, the priest told us how we need to pray for our brothers and sisters in the middle east. He informed us of some accounts that have happened in the past few months, men coming into a parish and opening fire on the priest and congregation ,simple bc they are Catholic ,killing many. He told us how hard these people are fighting for their faith, the same faith we share, he asked us to pray for them as well as do something if we are able. Then it was time for the consecration, the spirits of the faithful were high and we were all feeling very thankful for our lives here in America. The Communion hymn began to play, "Be not afraid " , then things changed. A man walked into the church, he made a direct line for the priest, marching up the altar and yelling at Father. Father kept his composure, as well as his senses and held Jesus in the Eucharist tightly to him. He did not stop Mass, the man yelled and screamed at the congregation how he hated all of us with a few choices words added in, then stormed out of the church. Father came down from the altar and we all stood in line, a little shell shocked , and went to receive Our Lord in Holy Communion. Thankfully the man did not return with any more hateful words or worse. But the whole experience left me shaking. Here we are not even 30 minutes after listening to Father tell us about our brothers and sisters who are being hated, attacked even killed an ocean away then suddenly we are feeling the hate right here in our sleepy little church on a side street in Burlington NJ. Our situation is nothing like what is happening in the middle east but it is startling, it is the kind of situation that calls us to live our faith even more and to learn our faith even more. My plea to all of you who read this is to please, hug your loved ones a little closer tonight, reach into that drawer and bring out those rosary's, clean off the dust and start to pray. Pray not only for our brothers and sisters around the world but for us right here at home. The priest who put their lives on the line to preach the truth and the people who live it everyday.

The lowly and the Strong

The following is the second reading from Mass last night, A letter from St. Paul:


Consider your own calling, brothers and sisters.

Not many of you were wise by human standards,
not many were powerful,
not many were of noble birth.
Rather, God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise,
and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong,
and God chose the lowly and despised of the world,
those who count for nothing,
to reduce to nothing those who are something,
so that no human being might boast before God.
It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus,
who became for us wisdom from God,as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption,
so that, as it is written,“Whoever boasts, should boast in the Lord.”

As I sat in Mass and read the words to myself I was overcome with sadness, joy and gratitude. The lines,"God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise,
and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong,
and God chose the lowly and despised of the world,those who count for nothing,
to reduce to nothing those who are something,
so that no human being might boast before God."

made me think about myself and my relationship with my boyfriend.
As many of you know I was a wild child of sorts before my conversion to the Catholic faith. I ran with some crazy people, drank too much, did drugs, had little to no respect for myself or others, in short I was the lowly, the weak, the shame. Then I changed and within that time I fell in love with an amazing man. He is smart, funny, talented, loving and so much more. Sitting in Mass last night i realized just as I am the lowly, the shameful, the weak he is the strong, the wise, the something that St. Paul speaks about. As tears filled my eyes and that familiar tightness wrapped itself around my cheat I saw our relationship in a new light. I saw us both struggling to love God, to hear Him, to do what He is calling us to do and I saw us helping each other reach those goals. Pushing each other , loving each other, being brutally honest with each other all for the better of our souls. Even now I laugh that I thought I had it all figured out, I never know what God has planned and it is moments like last night in Mass  I am thankful for that. I am also thankful to have a Father who loves me and takes care of me without me even realizing it. I am also very thankful and grateful for my wonderful boyfriend. I am almost certain that my path to heaven will be lined with moments where he pushed me to be the best me I can be, and I will be eternally grateful.

Everlasting Love

What a idea.. Not really something I can wrap my brain around.. Sure I love my family , my friends my boyfriend but the thought of loving those people until the end of time is hard for me to grasp. I like to have a end date to things, I like the structure. I always envision the end of something before its beginning.. That's probably my father issues rearing their ugly head.  However that is a topic for another day as well as a expensive therapy session. Back to my original thought, Everlasting love;I was sitting in the adoration chapel this afternoon reading Bishop Sheen's book on Christ life , the first chapter talks about Christ's love for us. I have to admit reading it and being able to understand is like having a elephant sit on your chest. The pressure you then assume because you understand how much He loves you even without fully understanding is astronomical. I quickly closed the book and decided staring at the Eucharist and trying to talk to God was a better option.... This is where God's wonderful sense of humor comes in.. As I sat there talking, thinking, praying I had a song stuck in my head. To most this is not a big deal, it happens daily. The kicker here is what song.. I have not heard this song in months maybe even years but as I sat there looking up at God asking Him to help me figure my life out, be a better person, love more, help more, hear Him more, asking for the answer to how to do all those things all I could hear was "Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Do you love me!?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me!?
Will you love me forever!?

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
I gotta know right now, Do you love me? Will you love me forever?"

Meatloaf streaming through my brain and the slight chuckle of God's laugh somewhere off in the back ground.....

The season of hope

As most of you know, Advent is upon us. The past few seasons of Advent have been filled with sorrow for me, so this year I want to start off on the right foot. I want to take these next four weeks and "walk to the manger" with baited breath and trepidation. When I started this journey I decided to look up what the Church says about Advent, this is what I found;

Advent: A Time of Preparation:

In the Catholic Church, Advent is a period of preparation, extending over four Sundays, before Christmas. The word Advent comes from the Latin advenio, "to come to," and thus refers to the coming of Christ. This refers, first of all, to our celebration of Christ's birth at Christmas; but second, to the coming of Christ in our lives through grace and the Sacrament of Holy Communion; and finally, to the Second Coming at the end of time. Our preparations, therefore, should have all three comings in mind. We need to prepare our souls to receive Christ worthily.

This definition is exactly what my sorry soul needed. I always forget that He always gives me what I need, I am just too stubborn to see that at times. I really want this season to be about hope.Hope in life, hope for the future, hope for my own soul, hope for your souls. I want to blanket myself in hope and walk with Mary this Advent season. This is all easier said then done but that is something I really want to hold myself to. It is so easy to get distracted with shopping, friends, celebrations. I want to keep my focus on the manger, on the coming that changes me every year despite my flaws. Part of the good news of this season is that no matter how badly you are beaten down this is the opportunity for change. God is coming, no matter if you are depressed to the point of not waking up in the morning, struggling with family feuds, jobless, over worked, a new parent, unable to become pregnant, tired, happy, confused, no matter what, He is coming and all we have to do is let our soul be open and He will do the rest. It takes so little to say yes to God and at the same time it takes all we have. I pray I am able to be open, able to get over my pride, anger, envy whatever it may be and be humbled by the coming of Our King in this glorious Advent season.

Respect the process.. Well the joke is on me.

I have written about "respecting the process" before. I first heard the phrase when I was going through a difficult break up. I did not know what to make of it but in time it became my motto. Recently I have been thinking about the direction my life is going. I was talking with my boyfriend regarding trying to respect the process in which we are in and learn from it day to day . It suddenly dawned on me that what I am respecting is just Gods will. I have finally started to let Him drive this crazy train! I kept telling my boyfriend to accept the way he feels and what comes his way ie; respect the process. I did not even realize I was actually telling him to just trust God. When I put these thoughts together I laughed out loud. As I posted a few blogs back I was reading a self retreat book, https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqK75ZxJKbfUktLCAAnbHA3zsbimWhec2UveWQPUg3HfCpL6NYVAxZcshCt9m56tsbY4QUe7sASO3qXGllvW84jfTwmXwg-syeZ4GSbyTPJSlEIN4trDdx6L2gFXsh1MdLXorXNIbGbSLp/s1600/jesus.jpg In that book the author describes coming to God with all your issues, all the things you want to break but just cant. He says that since Our Lord is so loving He will slowly take those issues away for you and you wont even know He is doing it. That is exactly what happened with me. I was overjoyed when I realized this, thankful beyond belief. Here I was this whole time  thinking I was trying  so hard to focus , accept , to cope in a way,  when really He was the one doing all the work! He was and is the one in control and because He is the Master of love, he has wooed me into a better place.

Stubborn

Those aren't apples in the picture, they are tomato's. The plant we have at my house seems to be resisting. It is refusing to ripen. This got me thinking about my own stubbornness. Is it just my nature or my will? I have been noticing lately the similarity among a lot of my worst traits and traits of some members of my family. As most of you know I have struggled with the age old issue of being just like my mother and or any other member of the pack of wolfs that raised me. It seems the older I get the more I see the "whole picture" . At some point we all realize our parents are not perfect, we see their flaws for the first time and it can cause us to retreat into our shell. But at some point we come to grips with our parents being human and not Divine and we move on. I am waiting for the moving on stage.
I am starting to get there. The delay is mostly bc I am starting to see those faults in myself and I do not know how to break them. These are "copping mechanisms" I've had for 25 yrs. All the sudden I have to give them up! You'd have better luck pulling dinner away from a lion. The only thing is I know God wants me to give these things up. In the end it brings me closer to Him. I was struggling with this for almost a year and then I started reading the retreat book I've blogged about before, Consoling the Heart of Jesus. Recently I came across a section about this! It seems I am not a maniac! This happens to everyone! Hooray! In the section the at hour says Jesus will help you realize these ways of copping and cling closer to Him. The best part is you do not even know He is doing it! He just "romances" you and you make the choice to drop the doughnuts and or whatever copping mechanism you have! So today that is where I am. Much like my tomato plant I am not ready yet but I am still growing and at some point I will be ripe.

"LES YEUX TOURNES VERS L'AUBE" - Religous order with Down Syndrome

A few months ago I was introduced to this video. It pulled on my heart strings, for some reason i can not find the full video but here is a clip as well as a artical on the order. http://catholicexchange.com/2010/03/30/128761/  As some of you know I work with a child with down syndrome, this little child has changed my life in so many ways. She is loving, kind, friendly to all as well as possess a strong connection to God. A priest friend of mine says that people with down syndrome are the purest of people. They have a line to Him and are here to help us get closer. I feel this is true with my little friend but I see it here in this clip as well. I wish for everyone to know someone with down syndrome, the light they bring into your life is unlike any other. Please think of supporting these sisters in their works and to find out more about Down syndrome you can visit  http://nads.org/  as well as my friends blog http://amyjuliabecker.com/  .