Thursday, April 8, 2010
spring cleaning
I walk to the refrigerator and stare blankly inside. I see nothing there that is considered healthy. I see cheesecake and potato salad some left over hot dogs. I want to eat I am hungry or am I just sad or lonely or bored? What does any of this have to do with God? All of it. I have begun to see in the passed few years that there is not a choice I make that doesn't involve Him. Example, what I eat. I am hungry but I am also a little depressed now do I turn that into prayer while having a salad or do I go for the cake and sit in my bed? Everything you do from the minute you wake has a direct line to God and in turn back to you. I have been forced to see this in these past few weeks. I had a case of the winter blues whether it was because of the weather or my relationship or my job or family whatever the case I was down so I ate, a lot 25 pounds of spare tire in my mid section a lot. I also stopped praying as much because in my spare time from eating I was asleep. Two o'clock in the afternoon I was out cold and could not figure out why. The past few days it has been 89 and sunny, I went to the beach and felt the sun touch my body for the first time in months, I let it burn just to feel something greater then me. This something greater of course is God, He was ever so gently saying "wake up, its time to come home". I have been away from Him and my "home" all winter so now that He has shaken my soul into spring I see how much I really need Him. I need Him to help me make the right choice in food, clothes, jobs, cars, family, relationships, everything. I need Him to kick my back side sometimes and ask me in that Fatherly way what am I thinking ? So here comes spring and here I go off to the gym with rosary in hand. A little spring cleaning is needed on the soul just as much as the house.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I love this and thanks for sharing. I felt similarly as Lent drew to a close and I thought about drinking wine again. Why is it that I want to drink wine? Sometimes because it's enjoyable, a good addition to a meal, a way to celebrate and glory in God's good creation. Other times it's because I'm impatient and discontent. It's in those times where I want to shortcut the spiritual problem and just "take the edge off" with some chardonnay. But actually looking at my heart--at the impatience, at the discontent--well, that's a much deeper matter. Spring cleaning indeed!
ReplyDeleteThe way you describe how things affect you reminds me of some of my own experience. I'm sure you know this, but I myself never tire (and I need it!) of being reminded that discouragement is worthless and that God's Mercy is infinite. He loves you so much, and even in your sinfulness, have no fear. The thing that hurts Him the most is our lack of trust in Him and His mercy!
ReplyDeleteRecently, I came across a book written for "little souls" that is making a real difference in my life. It's set up as kind of a self-retreat. Based on what you write here, I think you may really like it.
I have extra copies and would be happy to give one to you. I'm home again (in NJ) in mid-May and could leave a copy in the adoration chapel at St. Peter's or something for you. Just let me know.
God bless you!
Discipline and self denial...neither are my forte. So, when called upon to perfect both in oneself for 40 days three things can happen. If you are merely acquainted with God, sort of like the mailcarrier, you'll feel pretty good about yourself if you are eating tilapia on Fridays. If you intend on learning more about God, but just not right now because you don't have time with your job, your children, your tasks of everyday life, then the 40 days go by fairly quickly and Holy Thursday approaches. You may cram a visit to church in to watch the washing of the feet, jump into church sometime from 12 noon to 3 p.mn. on Good Friday, dye eggs all day Saturday to match the colors in your children's dresses or ties, and then go to the quickest, easiest Easter Mass you can find.
ReplyDeleteAnd not only are you left disappointed in yourself and your efforts, but also you feel guilty, but you promise next year...and just like so many others you join the chorus of "God understands how busy I am". However, it is when you think you are truly in touch with the Lord, devoted to atonement not only for your own sins, but for the sins of the world, that Lenten efforts become Herculean. Every moment of every hour of the 40 days there is an opportunity for you to actively pursue God, thank God, praise God and repent. But even with that constant understanding of what you should do, accomplishing it becomes far more challenging than when God is an new acquaintance, or someone you hope to know better. Now it is put up or shut up time. It is almost like you can hear the Lenten season passing, ticking away in your head, and you stand frozen. To me, that is part of our self-inflicted suffering we experience in Lent. It is like eating more when someone tells you to be on a diet. Self denial, discipline have an even harder time showing themselves in the soul anxious to get to know the Lord more and more. I sometimes think as consciousness of God grows and our consciences grow, travelling the path to God becomes more challenging, more distracted, and more threatening to the forces that want us to fail, want us to remain merely
mediocre. Ironically, those feelings of failure, of missed opportunities, until overcome, remain one of the most poignant burdens of a Lent unfulfilled. And therein lies both the tragedy of being human, and the glory of God's love and mercy. He knows we really stink at this, and while he would like to see us improve, He finds a way to accept this odd struggle and accept it too as one of our many imperfect offerings throughout the year.
Patrick, I would love to read that book. I have my hour on Saturdays at 4pm. Thank you so much and thank you for reading my blog :-)
ReplyDeleteVery nice Shan.
ReplyDeleteThank Tom! Btw I miss you!!!!!! I would love to I dunno, meet your wife!
ReplyDelete