I must have a hole somewhere in my brain where all the information concerning my faith slips out late at night like a teenage girl going to meet a boy. I know what I believe in and more importantly I believe what I believe in yet time and time again I push it off to the side tuck it all in a neat little cupboard and act as if I am someone else. Is this human nature? Or the bigger question I am just a self centered jerk? Both may be true. However it is not an excuse to do as I please, I have written time and time again on how I need to over come these things, be better then my best and actually follow what I believe in. Yet just as often I do the opposite and hurt my Father. I am tired of this hamster wheel! I am tired of feeling down and eating my emotions, gaining weight being too tired or depressed to pray, I am tired of crawling back to Him on my knees bloody and bruised asking forgiveness. How about do not do anything to be " I am sorry" for. I forget that my soul is much like my body and it too gets out of shape. I need to take it to the "gym" work it out and burn off a few bad things. I need to keep in my mind, that sin is like lard for the soul, it does nothing but slow it down and kill you. This is not rocket science I know all these things, and maybe it will be a life long struggle to keep my head above water, but the one thing that never changes is my will to do it. No matter how beaten bruised bloody and torn I am , I must fight this fight come hell or high water.
Your post is profound, Shannon. Just remember: we have a fallen nature. Yet, we are blessed to have the sacrament of reconciliation. Although confession shouldn't be a license for presumption, it is nice to know that we can always start over, which should keep up from falling into despair. And, by the way, if you ever want to commiserate over a piece of cake, call me. ;)
ReplyDeleteO Kathryn I love you! I agree that confession should not be abused but cherished and respected. I however have used it wrongly at times in my life and that stings a little. However I am ready and willing to keep fighting for what is right and getting closer to God. I have always battled the feeling of God as a parent and me and the child just trying to get Their approval, I mirror my actually parent in Him sometimes and that usually leads to a disaster! Not worry though, He is ever loving. I would love to eat cake and talk Life with you , any time!!!
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