I am a very nervous person. I usually only travel somewhere if I have a buddy or if I know the location. I have these insane panic attacks while driving in traffic. I lose it and freeze and end up stuck in the wrong lane,get lost and end even more upset. Part of me thinks this is all just silly and I can over come it, so I venture out and end in tears within minutes. Its childlike I know but I cant seem to break it. Recently the family I worked for move to Connecticut. After a month of missing them I excepted an invitation to spend the day with them in their beautiful home. I talked myself into diving and persuaded myself if I left at dawn and came home late it would all be fine. So off I went luckily with my gracious boyfriend , whom by the way needs a medal, maybe even a peace prize. At first all was well, I made it through NYC with little stress. My fingers hurt from gripping the wheel but that was the worst of it. We got to CT and I was relaxed and happy. We spent a very lovely day with wonderful friends but then it came time to depart. Aside from just not wanting to leave I was nervous we would hit traffic. Boy was I wrong. No holiday traffic at all! However my gps decided we should not follow signs , going through the Bronx at 10pm would be better! I prayed Hail Mary's and made it out, then the GW bridge came, people were flying as I obeyed the 45 miles a hour, I was not liked and beeped at with a stamina unknown to me. Again the Hail Mary's rolled as did the Guardian Angel prayer , the Our Father, Litany of saints and I may have even said grace! Finally we get over into NJ and I could not have been happier, my boyfriend ,however,was frustrated in being unable to calm me down as I cried and shook and yelped as trucks pass by. I thought that was the worst of it, now we were in NJ it would be smooth sailing, HA! I was fooled again, this time my gps told me to bare left when really I was to go right and I, like a fool listened to my talking box of knowledge, Welcome to Patterson was all I saw and I again panic set it. Finally after three detours, the GW, a small car fire on the turn pike, many tears, four letter words , prayers and not to mention bathroom breaks, my boyfriend now swearing never to drive with me again , recoiling in disgusts from my lack of composer , those moments do not normally bring out the best, we were home. Was it all worth it? You bet ! Spending the day with "family" letting the Holy Spirit float amongst us and thanking God for the beauty of it all was worth all the traffic ,fits and even a trip to the Bronx. The conclusion is, only God is going to be the one to help me to overcome this anxiousness. I need to keep trying, I cant miss out on friends, family, fun whatever the situation may be , just because I am scared of getting in an accident. I have to keep trying to be better at handling those moments, and I have the faith He will help me to do that. After all faith is half the battle.
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