Calvary and beyond!

Hello blogging world. It has been awhile since my last post, let me first start by saying I am sorry for the delay and now let me explain my absents .....

         On feb3rd, two days before my husbands 31st birthday I was taken into the hospital for emergency surgery. It turns out, after our miscarriage I became pregnant again but the pregnancy was tubal. The tube had burst killing the child and making that tube unusable. I had a belly full of blood and was fading fast. After a long four hour surgery I was taken into recovery. In the hospital they let you sit in recovery until you've woken up and then your pushed along into a room. I had to laugh at the idea that my recovery consisted of 67 minutes in a dark room. In reality it has been four weeks and I presume my doctor will have more restrictions for me soon.
     The physical part of this is frustrating, not being able to walk or sit or stand ,being trapped in my house BC we happen to live in a 5th floor walk up and I can't do steps. Yet the physical is nothing compared to the emotional. I've had moments of sobbing suddenly, heaving in my chest , complete break down. Then I had other moments of empty. Just staring at a screen for days on end, little conversation with my husband or others. I have not had the desire to pray at all. It is not that  I am mad at God, I am not walking around screaming WHY ME? I know why me, BC I am willing. I am willing to let God run this show and if that means pain and suffering ,well then okay. Yet at the same time I am not anxious to have a conversation with Him. I keep thinking of it as a marriage , God and I are a couple who are not really in a fight, and certainly still in love but just not talking right now.
          My time on bed rest is coming to an end, Lent has begun and I am feeling better. Slowly but surely I am talking to Him again, and I have the faith this was all for a reason but like Mother Teresa has said ; " If this is how He treats His best friends I wish He had more".....