Recently I have been feeling empty this has caused me to think about Mother Theresa.. She often felt empty. As someone who gets a lot of grace from God this feeling is odd. Its like when the big problem is in front of me, God removes his hands. Now I know He doesn't really, I know He is actually closer to me then ever ,He is just silent. This is something I don't know if I will ever get used too. I love feeling the Holy Spirit, it is like a security blanket. But then those times come like now that I feel alone. These times happen for different reason sometimes it is BC I am in the state of mortal sin other times it is just BC, atleast I think, God wants me to figure this one out based on all the info and help He has given me before. I am truly like a child in this. I want the help of my Father. I do not want to do this alone. I want Him to come down and sort this all out with me. Yet I know that trust is what He is teaching from above. He wants me to trust that He is taking care of me, taught me and will keep teaching me but sometimes I have to be tested. Its really easy when I have this empty feeling to fall away, eat a ton of cupcakes, not want to pray, not want to see my loved ones. This is the test, my challenge, to keep going strong as if I did feel filled with the Holy Spirit. The funny things is when I go push through these times I always end up feeling great and filled with grace. It is just hard to remember that in the moment. So help me Father, help me to trust you more to be more like Your Son and His Mother. Help me in knowing that you know what is best and no matter how much pain I have to endure You will be there to embrace me in the end.
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