Cry baby Cry

" Remember , Shannon the Holy Spirit will give you highs and lows. Your lows will be just as intense as your highs." This is what Father Ronan said to me last Friday. When he said it, I listened but not until tonight did I understand. I am low. Low low low. This weekend was a grace a gift from the Holy Spirit, I finished my novena to Him and on that 9Th day my ex and I had dinner, we spoke for a long time, we prayed together and agreed that God is calling us both to 40 days of prayer and fasting in the desert, we need to stay apart and pray but we are in love and that love is a gift from God. Then today came, the shine of the weekend and those graces wore off. I now am tired and hungry from fasting and feel like a baby for feeling like a baby. I know this is a low, a test from my King I need to suck it up. I need to pray more and trust. I am the biggest pusher of trust. I tell everyone they need to trust God but when I have to do it I am a little baby curled up in her Father's arms crying. Emotions are so silly. Missing someone can feel like a knife. Loneliness can be a guillotine . Well I cant feel this way, I cant sit around crying because I miss him, I need to embrace this suffering and offer it up for God's will, have faith and keep going. God is putting all these pieces together as I whine about them I could be a tad more helpful and stop getting in His way. I am grateful ,don't get me wrong. I know God is working and loves me, very much. I am grateful He gave me the gift of this blog letting me write and get all these feelings out even if I run the risk of sounding like a spoiled brat.